What's it really like?

So I have been living in Charlottesville for two weeks now. Did I say I think this is easy? Well... Jansen got kicked out of preschool. They said he required too much attention, (plus his constant yelling instead of talking, and thinking everything in his site is a ball... which means he throws EVERYTHING probably played a small roll). THEN the first night Jake leaves I take the kids downstairs to do laundry and as I am throwing laundry in the washer (2 minutes???) Jansen is gone! I look everywhere and sure enough I hear the fire alarm going off in the elevator! Jansen is holding down the alarm button, which means the elevator will not open, but also, it's not going up to any other floor. I sit there knocking on the elevator and trying to get his attention so he'll let go of that button. It takes 5 minutes, with me in tears thinking I'm going to have the fire department have to open this elevator before he comes out, ALL smiles. Of course I get a lecture from the landlady about keeping my kids with me! I was so embarassed.

PLUS, I'm pumping every 3 hours which feels like I imagine wearing a dog's shock collar... but only for the first five minutes. I don't shower for the 3 days in a row that Jake is gone, YUCK!!! I can hardly stand it. Does it ever end. Jake told me this is what it means when I say it's hard.

On the brighter side... I found a girl in the ward to watch Jansen for me for a small fee. Chelsey is watching Reesa on Mondays making this an easier day and best of all MITCHELL started to nurse!!!

Mitchell has what they call an Oral-Aversion. Everything that has been put into his mouth for the past 6 weeks of his life have been very painful, so he HATES it. You put anything near his mouth and he starts to cry. Everytime I feed him he thinks it's punishment and does not want to eat. Of course this is so frustrating for me, I have to keep telling Mitchell this is the fun part of being a baby and it will bring him comfort.

Well, today they took out the feeding tube! He does not have anything on his face! That's right, he had 3 successful feeding with nursing we decided to try today with out an NG tube to his belly and weigh him tomorrow to see how he does. This is the last thing Mitchell has to do to come home. Sometimes this takes babies months, or sometimes just a week. I'm hoping he does well.
So I sit at the hospital in the NICU and watch him for when I think he wants to eat, and then I can feed him. It's so weird because if I was at home I would be so happy to have him sleep, but at the hospital, I want him awake so we can try again, so we can go home sooner.

Nursing is also scary because he forgets to breathe, desats and turns blue. I have a monitor to tell me when it's happening, but I'm so nervous to take him home... Apparently it's very sophisticated to suck, swallow, and breathe. We all just take that for granted.

So I feel like such a whinner because this is so hard. I'm trying to stay positive but don't think I do a very good job most of the time. I haven't been able to get on the computer for awhile, and I just started crying to see all the people who care, and have such sweet and supportive comments. The Lord is blessing our family everyday! Thank you so much, I really needed it!

All my love,
Kellie