Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Corbin's birth story

We would like to welcome CORBIN WILLIE GEYER!  Born November 15, 2013 @ 4:37 p.m.  He has been an exciting addition to our family and we are so excited he is finally here! 

I have been induced with all four of my babies.  This time I was positive I wanted to wait and not be induced.  However, after losing Mitchell, my anxiety doubled for the birth of this baby.  I couldn’t go to the doctor with out fearing I might have a nervous break down.  I didn’t want to have to explain the death of my son to every nurse, doctor, midwife etc.  As the time grew nearer I kept thinking maybe I should be induced.  I needed to have control over something. I wanted to feel that everything would be okay.  It also meant I would have time with just Jake and I at the hospital over the weekend, and the following week the kids would be in school be getting a week off for Thanksgiving.  I would have time alone to bond and adjust to the baby before the whole family would be around.  Jake and I finally agreed that induction was the right thing for us. 

We needed to be at the Fresno Community hospital 45 minutes away by 7 a.m.  We got up Friday morning and started the drive.   We are so blessed to have our nanny Holly, who was at our house to take care of Reesa and Jansen and get them off to school.  I knew this day was going to be emotional.  Having a baby is a very spiritual experience, but having just lost my third child, 2 months earlier I was still in the very early stages of grief… not knowing how to deal with or explain so many of the new emotions my heart was experiencing.  I remember being so scared to have this baby thinking, “how am I ever going to take care of a baby?  I can barely take care of myself!”  When I wanted to cry, I could cry.  When I wanted to sit and mourn, I could.  A baby changes all of that and you can no longer put yourself first.  I did NOT think I was capable to do that once again so shortly after losing Mitchell.  Honestly I didn’t think I wanted to either. 

We got to the hospital and they admitted me at 8.  I then got an IV and started the Pitocin at 9:10.  We had a wonderful nurse.  She was an older lady who was very kind and sensitive to my emotions.  She told me to cry whenever I needed and that she would just cry along with me.  I didn’t have to be embarrassed (because quite frankly I was embarrassed that I couldn’t control my emotions and that EVERYTHING made me cry!)  I was depressed and sad to be going through labor and I remember asking Jake if he even though I could do this.  I didn’t think I had enough strength to push a baby out.  Everything felt overwhelming and exhausting, and I was scared.  After crying through 2 contractions I decided I needed the epidural and got it at 10:40.  The anesthesiologist did an AWESOME job!  From start to finish it took him maybe 5 minutes.  He was so quick and efficient.  He gave me a spinal block to relieve the pain immediately, then the epidural to help in 20 minutes.  He was very attentive to my needs, and checked on me often.   I was so impressed with him.  This changed my view entirely.  With most of the pain being gone, I felt hope.  I remember thinking this is exactly what I needed to be able to greet this tiny spirit waiting to meet us. 

My doctor came in and told us he had a hysterectomy and would be back in 45 min to break my water.  He didn’t want to do it before incase my baby came fast and he wouldn’t be available.  I was a tiny bit annoyed.  I wanted to get er done!!!  Instead I laid there waiting.  BUT I couldn’t have silence.  I would quickly get depressed in the quiet moments where my mind could drift back to Mitchell.  Poor Jake.  He must have felt like a dancing monkey as I constantly asked him to tell me something… ANYTHING!  Finally he ran out of things to say and we put on a movie.
At 2 p.m. Dr. Thomas returned and broke my water. 

The nurse checked me at 4 :10 and I was dilated to an 8.  Less than 10 minutes later I told Jake I thought it was time to push… but was so nervous I was wrong.  It was the same pressure I had felt 3 other times, but of course you are always so worried about crying wolf.  Jake told me this is exactly what I had said and done with all of our other kids and he ran to get the nurse.  I could hear our nurse ask to have the dr paged, assistants ready to come, and warm towels brought in.  I kept thinking don’t you want to check me first as I was going to be totally humiliated when it might be another 2 hours before the baby comes…  I was completely dilated at 4:25. 


Dr. Thomas arrived and I pushed for 3 contractions.  They were hard painful ones that I cried through.  In fact I felt more like I screamed through them, but the nurse assured me she had seen much worse, and didn’t think I screamed at all…  Corbin was delivered at 4:37 p.m.

After he was born everything changed for me!  I knew I would love my baby, but I had forgotten how strong that bond would be.  Corbin has brought peace and love and comfort that I didn't even know was possible.  He is such a good baby.  I love him so much.  Jake was so strong for me the entire labor.  I cried and cried to him, and he loved and supported me.  I think that after Corbin was born, and I no longer needed him it was time for Jake to break down.  He started crying, well more like wailing and the nurse had everyone leave so we could just be together.  She later told us that she had to explain to others in the hall and rooms around us why that dad was so sad... and that our new baby was doing fine.  Corbin's birth was an amazing experience for us, but it was so mixed with our Mitchell emotions it was hard to separate them.  I think Mitchell and Corbin have a great relationship.  The veil is very thin for those newborn babies, and I often feel that Mitchell is present and maybe that is why Corbin is so peaceful and content.  I love and miss Mitchell terribly, and I am so glad to have a new baby here to love and hold.  I just wish I had two babies...

3 comments:

  1. Congratulations! Glad you have a sweet new addition!

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  2. So sweet, and completely understandable. I'm so happy for you guys--new babies bring such joy!

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  3. Kellie, so beautifully written. Made me cry. It brought back such similar memories for me. You are so real and honest and I often feel like what you say speaks my thoughts. Love you all so much. Such a brave, brave family!

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